For most of my life, I have struggled with friendships. Now, for those looking in, people wouldn’t think that. Even from a young age, I have been able to make friends with about everyone I encounter. On the Meyers-Briggs I am like 90% extroverted. I am a 7 on the Enneagram. Every part of my personality is built around fun and making friends. So why do I struggle with friendship? I have always felt the need to perform and fit in to make friends. My whole life I have just wanted to be liked. And once I am, I have a hard time keeping up with fitting in. I have felt the need to be exactly what that person needs/wants. I was a people pleaser. I wasn’t always the kindest human. I got myself into some messy situations just to be liked by those around me. It was super unhealthy.
I’ve come a long way in the last number of years. Honestly, the most growth has taken place in the last year or two. I no longer feel the need to perform and fit in to make friends. I don’t people please (so much it’s unhealthy). I’ve found myself some really sweet friends. People who accept me for who I am. However, something I have seen as a side effect of being this way for so long, is that it effects my relationship with the Lord. I have a hard time viewing Him as a friend. I can read throughout Scripture that He is my friend.
“This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command you. No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you.” John 15:12-15 (ESV)
But because of my need to perform and fit in that I struggled with for so long, I am afraid that I actually do have to perform to earn the friendship of the Lord. In the last month or so He has been walking me through a season of building a genuine friendship with Him. He’s been showing me that I don’t need to perform for Him. That He loves me just as I am right where I am. I don’t need to fit into a mold. I am to love people like Christ has loved me. That’s His commandment. He calls me friend.
The Lord has been showing me how to deepen my friendship with Him. Each morning, I sit on my bed, with a coffee in hand, and just sit there in His presence. I get to sit and just listen. Converse with Him. Listen to His voice and what He wants to tell me. I check in with Him throughout the day. I have been implementing things I do with my friends here on earth with Him. He calls us His friends, and I want to be a better and more intentional friend to Him.
I have some of the best friends I could have right now. I am in a really healthy spot when it comes to friends. I still struggle with earthly friendships from time to time. I think that’s what being human is like. But in this season of growing in my friendship with the Lord, I have come to rely more and more on Him than anyone else. Go grab a cup of coffee with the Lord sometime. It’s really sweet.
